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I forgot to mention that I've decided that my TRUE calling in life is to be a professional 5-pin bowler. Last friday, Leah and I went on a double date with Gn'R, to Bronx Bowl. The first game was forgettable - I came in 4th of 4 people. Then we went outside for a jazz cigarette, and it srsly filled me with the power of greyskull or something.
I came back inside and bowled 177 points. What the fuck. 4 strikes, 3 spares in 10 frames. I've never bowled so well in my entire life. My posse was as stunned as I.
I mean, I meant to do that.
It got me thinking though...about life, and the decisions we make. Not that I'm seriously entertaining the thought of bowling for cash, but I can't remember ever DECIDING that the music industry is where I wanted to forge my career. I sometimes call my job 'the hobby that went wrong'. I also wonder how different my life would be if I didn't have certain thing happen when they did. My dad passing away for example; it fucked up my adolesence, to be sure - but when I turned 18 I inherited an insurance settlement that paid for all my university, 2 trips to Europe, rent for 4 years, and the startup capital to found Black Dot, my old production company. It was that foundation that got the ball rolling, so to speak. Things changed, hands were shook and deals were made that cemented my 'position' in this industry. First an assistant, now a 'junior', about to be a manager.
The ladder is real. Holy fuck. I think subconciously I've avoided discovering said ladder, or at least trying my hardest to deny I *needed* it. I gladly admit now I want it. My ambition was always directed inwards - not GOAL oriented so much as working towards places in life where I felt happy and satisfied.
But then I tasted blood, and I wanted more.
Ambition is a funny thing. People have told me I'm ambitious, but I don't know if I've ever agreed all that much...Miriam-Webster, WHERE YOU AT?
Main Entry: am·bi·tion
Pronunciation: am-'bi-sh&n
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French or Latin; Middle French, from Latin ambition-, ambitio, literally, act of soliciting for votes, from ambire
a : an ardent desire for rank, fame, or power
b : desire to achieve a particular end
I don't wanna be famous. Power might be nice. Rank, like in the army? Call me Captain Easychord.
I think I'm just stoked on music. Can it be that easy?
posted by Eli at 2:46 PM
4 Comments:
"I think I'm just stoked on music. Can it be that easy?"
why not? we should all be so lucky to get to work surrounded in something we love.
i think it's funny that the word 'ambitious' is often seen as a prejorative. ambition keeps us moving, breathing, dreaming and working towards what we know in our hearts we NEED to live.
what would our lives be like without ambition?
I don't think I'm denying the NEED for ambition, but rather questioning its role in my life; whether or not it really WAS ambition that drove me, or just the stoked-ness about music.
i suppose it could be that easy. and if it is, oh you need to teach me about that. i think i can be fairly ambitious, but right now, on the career-front, my ambitions are at a low point - that is, my main priority/goal is to figure out what i want to do. so far, i've gotten really good at figuring out what i don't want. and i guess that's a start... anyway, but glad to hear the ladder-climbing is going well. xo.
oh and ps - awesome bowling score!!
oh and one more thing. i'm coming to edmonton in october. if you're still around, we should go bowling. or you know, just go for a drink or something. yay!
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