Mountains are boring, and other reflections.
It's true.
I'm in Canmore, spending Christmas eve sitting in a cafe by myself while my family hikes. I'm too sore from skiing yesterday, so I'm here, left to contemplate this year past...which makes me bored. and sad. and happy. and...thoughtful.
In the last year, I...
-ended my longterm relationship with Laura. after 5+ years, we couldn't hack it anymore; our lives had become different, distant in our goals, diverging in direction. This was a hard fact to swallow, but as they say, time heals all wounds. She was, is, and remains one of my best and closest friends. We hang out, make(loving)fun of eachother's sex lives, drink wine and play scrabble. It's the best possible scenario to have arrived at - mature, even.
-grew a beard and moustache. I love it, and don't care what you think. Unless yr a hot girl. or guy. who likes it. it's strange how I can redefine my masculinity through hair...but I think I did.
-chased down Tortoise to play a show in Edmonton. It took over six months, but I felt like it was a highlight of my "career" so far. I drove to Calgary to hang out with them at Folk Fest, drove them to Edmonton, and spent 2 days playing host to some of the nicest, most professsional and easygoing musicians I have ever worked with. How...satisfying.
-made some decisions. Like...to exclude my grandfather from my life. I can't handle him anymore; I want little to do with him. I also 'decided' to go to law school...and like most 'decisions' I make, I jumped the gun and told my family and now I have the weight of expectation resting on my shoulders. I'll shirk it how I want to. I'll go when I want to. I have other things to focus on. ask me next year.
-turned 25. I've never been so conscious of my age before - I feel like I need to have DONE something so far...lets take stock: I have a degree (poli sci. useless? kinda.), a job that I love, friends that I'll have for life...why do I feel so unaccomplished? do I NEED law school? do I NEED a relationship? do I NEED to improve my relationship with my family? I have no fucking clue.
What I do know is that I think I feel HAPPY for the first time in a long time. I feel like my emotional turmoil of the last 6 months is coming to an end. And that winter is setting in and I get to hibernate for a while. It's time to get shit sorted. Reach a decision or several. Fall into a crush. Get better at Scrabble. Talk to my sisters more. Read more books. Flex that brain of mine. Smoke less pot, drink more red wine. We'll see about that last one. These aren't resolutions; they're plans.
Plans. I like having those.
I'm in Canmore, spending Christmas eve sitting in a cafe by myself while my family hikes. I'm too sore from skiing yesterday, so I'm here, left to contemplate this year past...which makes me bored. and sad. and happy. and...thoughtful.
In the last year, I...
-ended my longterm relationship with Laura. after 5+ years, we couldn't hack it anymore; our lives had become different, distant in our goals, diverging in direction. This was a hard fact to swallow, but as they say, time heals all wounds. She was, is, and remains one of my best and closest friends. We hang out, make(loving)fun of eachother's sex lives, drink wine and play scrabble. It's the best possible scenario to have arrived at - mature, even.
-grew a beard and moustache. I love it, and don't care what you think. Unless yr a hot girl. or guy. who likes it. it's strange how I can redefine my masculinity through hair...but I think I did.
-chased down Tortoise to play a show in Edmonton. It took over six months, but I felt like it was a highlight of my "career" so far. I drove to Calgary to hang out with them at Folk Fest, drove them to Edmonton, and spent 2 days playing host to some of the nicest, most professsional and easygoing musicians I have ever worked with. How...satisfying.
-made some decisions. Like...to exclude my grandfather from my life. I can't handle him anymore; I want little to do with him. I also 'decided' to go to law school...and like most 'decisions' I make, I jumped the gun and told my family and now I have the weight of expectation resting on my shoulders. I'll shirk it how I want to. I'll go when I want to. I have other things to focus on. ask me next year.
-turned 25. I've never been so conscious of my age before - I feel like I need to have DONE something so far...lets take stock: I have a degree (poli sci. useless? kinda.), a job that I love, friends that I'll have for life...why do I feel so unaccomplished? do I NEED law school? do I NEED a relationship? do I NEED to improve my relationship with my family? I have no fucking clue.
What I do know is that I think I feel HAPPY for the first time in a long time. I feel like my emotional turmoil of the last 6 months is coming to an end. And that winter is setting in and I get to hibernate for a while. It's time to get shit sorted. Reach a decision or several. Fall into a crush. Get better at Scrabble. Talk to my sisters more. Read more books. Flex that brain of mine. Smoke less pot, drink more red wine. We'll see about that last one. These aren't resolutions; they're plans.
Plans. I like having those.
posted by Eli at 1:39 PM
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